Center for Nonviolent Communication: www.cnvc.org
As I read around the blog world, I see so many people talking about what is wrong. I started this blog to get some things off my mind too. But I would also like to talk about positive things and I believe nonviolent communication (NVC) is one of those things!
I read this book first a few years back. It is an easy read (even has bullets for main points). However, the practice is quite a challenge. NVC is about authentically communicating needs and listening empathically to other’s needs. It is about communicating in a way that takes responsibility for one’s needs to avoid triggering defensiveness in others. To me it is still an alien language, but when I have been able to use the concepts, it really seems to work. Especially with people I have the most difficulty communicating with. I have re-read the book and just ordered the CDs (I hear it helps to have others to practice with or take a class).
Rather than ramble on about it, I’ll provide a couple details from the web site & hope you check it out:
“This approach to communication emphasizes compassion as the motivation for action rather than fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion, threat or justification for punishment. In other words, it is about getting what you want for reasons you will not regret later. NVC is NOT about getting people to do what we want. It is about creating a quality of connection that gets everyone’s needs met through compassionate giving.”
Nonviolent Communication Skills:
- Differentiating observation from evaluation, being able to carefully observe what is happening free of evaluation, and to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us;
- Differentiating feeling from thinking, being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does not imply judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment;
- Connecting with the universal human needs/values (e.g. sustenance, trust, understanding) in us that are being met or not met in relation to what is happening and how we are feeling; and
- Requesting what we would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what we do want (rather than what we don’t want), and that is truly a request and not a demand (i.e. attempting to motivate, however subtly, out of fear, guilt, shame, obligation, etc. rather than out of willingness and compassionate giving).
This may sound like a bunch of Hippie, Drippie, New Age Gobbeldy Goop, but it really works! And the communication skills are based on sound psychological concepts. Check it out!
